


i love you (but don't you dare say it)

by TheFinalOtp



Series: rhodeytony fics [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But not too intense, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Implied Sexual Content, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark at MIT, M/M, MIT Era, Period-Typical Homophobia, Substance Abuse, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29291790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFinalOtp/pseuds/TheFinalOtp
Summary: Tony’s feelings about his soulmate words change over time.The first one, his soulmate’s first words to him are “You’re not supposed to be here, too?” It makes Tony anxious as a kid, because when he’s somewhere he’s not supposed to be, like his dad’s lab, he gets in trouble. His dad slaps him and his mom looks at him with disappointment. He doesn’t want to get in trouble, he doesn’t want his soulmate to get in trouble either.He finds the second one, their last words to him, comforting. “I love you,”  reads the simple black letters. He doesn’t hear that often. His mom says it every now and then, but not often. Nobody else ever does. He traces it with his finger as he lays curled up in bed almost every night. It warms him, knowing that someone will love him.
Relationships: Ana Jarvis & Edwin Jarvis & Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark, Maria Stark & Tony Stark
Series: rhodeytony fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2150091
Comments: 6
Kudos: 90





	i love you (but don't you dare say it)

Tony’s feelings about his soulmate words change over time.

The first one, his soulmate’s first words to him are _ “You’re not supposed to be here, too?”  _ It makes Tony anxious as a kid, because when he’s somewhere he’s not supposed to be, like his dad’s lab, he gets in trouble. His dad slaps him and his mom looks at him with disappointment. He doesn’t want to get in trouble, he doesn’t want his soulmate to get in trouble either. 

He finds the second one, their last words to him, comforting. _ “I love you,” _ reads the simple black letters. He doesn’t hear that often. His mom says it every now and then, but not often. Nobody else ever does. He traces it with his finger as he lays curled up in bed almost every night. It warms him, knowing that someone will love him.

As he grows up, he stops being wary of trouble. He starts drinking at 13, he starts acting up. Howard’s slaps get harsher. 

He even starts having sex the summer before MIT.

He has two fingers in a sixteen-year-old when she moans “I love you” in his ear. He jerks his fingers out in pure shock, and apologies start to spill from her mouth. His heart is still racing when she leaves near to tears. It dawns to him that once he finds his soulmate, he won’t be able to hear those words without having a knee-jerk reaction of fear and panic. He won’t be able to hear that his soulmate loves him and feel happy. It feels like a cosmic joke.

He spends the rest of his summer away from any other girls. He drinks and reads his coursebooks, some of which actually present a challenge - a pleasant surprise. Of course, those who do aren’t freshmen coursebooks, but hey, he’s a prodigy, right?

Jarvis and Ana help him pack up at summer’s end. Ana bursts into tears as Tony stands at the threshold with a suitcase in each hand. Jarvis gives him a hug and makes him promise to call once a week. 

Mom and Howard aren’t around that day.

He flies commercial, probably saving Howard from the dilemma of wasting jet fuel for Tony and having him seen flying commercial. The flight attendant looks at him skeptically as he gets comfy on his seat, but doesn’t ask him if he’s old enough to travel alone.

The excitement of moving out dims pretty quickly once he realises the age gap between him and other freshmen is going to be a problem. The douchebag who happens to be his roommate barely spares a glance at him before deciding to ignore his existence altogether. Others make small talk out of pity at best, leer at him at worst - so far. He’s sure it will get worse once they all realise how much smarter he is than them. It will surely bruise their ego that got inflated by being accepted into MIT.

He makes it to his first ever lesson five minutes before it starts. Most seats are occupied, but there is an empty one in the first row. Next to it sits the only black person in the lecture hall, chin lifted and eyes straight ahead as if he’s challenging anyone to question his existence there. Tony immediately likes him.

When he slides into the empty seat the boy’s glances at him. Tony gets ready to spit out a rude remark like he had to do way too many times already, but before he can say anything, the boy’s lip curls.

“You’re not ‘supposed to be here’, too?”

Shock surges through him, but he’s a Stark. He knows how to conceal his feelings.

“Obviously, but we’re gonna prove them wrong, aren’t we?” he replies with a smirk.

The boy does a worse job at hiding his reaction. His jaw drops and he blinks once, twice; seemingly at a loss of words. Tony thinks it’s kind of cute.

The prof enters right at that moment and any chatter ends. Tony watches as his soulmate (!!!) takes notes in a neat, blocky handwriting; tuning out the professor’s voice. His dark complexion hides whether the boy blushes under Tony’s gaze, but the boy determinedly doesn’t make eye contact with him throughout the lecture.

Once the class is dismissed, the boy ignores Tony in favor of packing up. Tony swallows the pang of disappointment but his second mark burns on his right forearm. 

“James Rhodes,” the boy says right as Tony gets up to leave. He extends his hand.

“Tony Stark,” he replies, pleasantly surprised to be acknowledged. The boy - James - smiles then, making Tony’s breath catch. 

“I have another lecture in about 10 minutes, but I… I’ll see you around, Tony, “ he says. He swings his backpack on one shoulder before leaving the hall. 

Tony smiles like an idiot for a good 30 seconds before remembering he needs to be in another lecture in 15 minutes as well. 

*

Tony doesn’t see James (James? Jim? Neither sounds right.) till the next day. Apparently, his soulmate (!!!) prefers early classes, and since Tony tends to sleep in they only come across each other in the late morning. Both seats next to Rhodes are occupied this time, but they exchange shy smiles before Tony goes to sit in the back. 

He thinks about how they can make it work through the lecture. It’s 1984, AIDS crisis is at its peak and being gay is harder than ever, despite the recent female cases disproving that it’s just transmitted by homosexuality. Tony is… not uncomfortable that his soulmate is a boy, but he can’t know what Rhodes is feeling about the situation. Plus, Rhodes is one of the few black students here, his life is already difficult as it is. There is no guarantee that they won’t be caught if they start a relationship, which might even risk James’s place here. There is also the problem of Tony being a public figure with too many eyes on him, including Howard’s.

He catches sight of Rhodes, taking notes in that neat handwriting, brows furrowed in concentration and he decides that they will make this work one way or another. 

  
  


“Hey, you wanna grab some coffee?” he blurts out once he catches up to Rhodes after the lecture. The boy looks caught off guard for a second, then shrugs. “Sure.”

Tony bounces on the balls of his heels as he waits for Rhodes to pack up. They walk in companionable silence for a while, enjoying the early fall sun and each other’s presence. They both order black coffee at the coffee shop. Tony dumps a load of sugar into his. Rhodey wrinkles his nose at the sight and Tony laughs.

“I’m done for today. What do you have now?” his soulmate (!!!) asks. 

“Another something-101, during which I will either dissociate or design a missile from scratch. Jury’s still out,” he replies with a shrug.

“You’re like, a genius or something, aren’t you?” Rhodey asks without any disdain in his voice.

“I guess. Why?”

“I mean, it’s pretty impressive. You probably hear that every day, but still…” 

Tony smiles. “It actually means something, coming from you.”

*

They fall into a comfortable pattern. They pick up coffee between lectures and Rhodey always scrunches his nose at the amount of sugar Tony takes. They have dinner together two times a week. Rhodey teaches him how to cook, or at least tries to, and Tony helps him with his coursework as they study after dinner. They talk about simple things like Rhodey’s family, the robot Tony’s building, how Professor Jenkins puts nearly half of the students to sleep with his monotone voice. 

They don’t say the word “soulmates” out loud, not yet. Walls have ears, and it’s still too soon. Tony is fourteen till May, and Rhodey is about to turn sixteen in October. It’s scary to think _ “This is it, this person is the one I’ll spend the rest of my life with.”. _ So they don’t think about it, they don’t talk about it, but they both know that the other one acknowledges their bond.

Rhodey’s birthday is a quiet affair. His parents send him a tupperware of homemade cookies and a couple of horror fiction books, which are apparently Rhodey’s favourite things. His sister’s gift turns out to be five boxes of condoms, which makes their faces turn scarlet. Tony buys him a navy blue sweater that he saw in a shop downtown and immediately thought how good it would look on Rhodey. They have cake with some of Rhodey’s other close friends in his dorm and drink a few beers. 

Around mid-November, he and Rhodey finish building Dum-E. It lives up to his name and tends to make an abundance of motor oil smoothies, but Tony loves it anyway. He’s sure Rhodey does, too.

They both go home for holidays. Tony and Howard have a huge fight on Christmas Eve when it turns out someone has been ratting out Tony’s every move. Howard rains down racist slurs about Rhodey, demanding Tony to end all relations with him. Tony calls him a drunk asshole and tells him Rhodey is already ten times more of a man than Howard is. They go into Christmas day just as Jarvis is sweeping glass shards from the floor and Maria is letting Tony hide his tears in the crook of her neck.

Maria tucks him in that night for the first time in nine years. “I’ll always love you no matter what,” she murmurs before kissing his forehead, a knowing glint in her eyes.

Rhodey tells him about how his dad fed them full for the whole break, about the tree they decorated, about the poorly wrapped presents. Tony doesn’t tell any stories. Rhodey doesn’t comment but brings him to Philly for Easter, anyway.

*

The first time Rhodey says it is during the first actual fight they have.

They’re freshly graduated and Rhodey is about to be deployed. Tony is more anxious than he is, snapping left and right, and now they both are at their boiling point.

“Why the fuck would you even do that?!” Rhodey yells, waving the little, empty bag that used to hold powdered drugs in it, which are now in Tony’s system.

“Oh, give me a fucking break,” Tony scoffs. “Why the fuck do you even care?!”

“I care because I love you!”

They both freeze at that for different reasons. Rhodey looks like he said something he didn’t mean to say, but will stand behind it. The fight drains out of Tony.

“No, no, don’t say that. Rhodey? Rhodey, say something else. Please.”

Rhodey recognises the utter desperation in his voice and his scowl washes away as it dawns on him. He throws the bag on the counter and comes to wrap his arms around Tony.

“I’m here. I’m here. But, Tones, this was stupid. Not only on your behalf, but also for me. Say that the police find it, who’s gonna go down for it? Middle-class black boy, or billionaire white boy?”

Blood drains out of Tony’s face. “I didn’t even… Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, that was shitty. I’m gonna get rid of the bag and it won’t happen again.”

“Yeah, it was shitty. I’m counting on you to keep your word, even when I’m gone. Can you do that for me baby?”

And Tony melts like every time Rhodey calls him that even though he’s overridden with guilt. “Yeah, of course. I promise.”

Rhodey kisses him chastely, because Tony is seventeen and he’s almost nineteen, and he has a strict code of no underage activity no matter how much Tony begs for more.

“Okay. C’mon, I’ll cook, then we’ll watch TV.”

*

They make love for the first time on Tony’s 18th birthday. Tony presses kisses to Rhodey’s marks, hidden by thick bandages like everyone else's. He wonders what his last words to Rhodey will be, but he doesn’t want to find out. Not yet. He maps out every inch of Rhodey’s skin, fascinated that he gets to call this boy - this  _ man _ \- his. Rhodey kisses him hard, kisses him gentle, knocks the breath out of him and makes his head spin. Tony chants out his soulmate’s name as he gets close, he holds onto his shoulders as he finishes. Rhodey finishes inside him, and as much as Tony wants to feel him directly, it’s still dangerous. He would rather use a condom than have either of them get sick.

They lay together afterwards, limbs tangled and chests heaving. Tony can’t help but steal one more kiss. He can nearly feel the love coming off of himself in waves, but he finds that he doesn’t mind showing his emotions for once. He whispers the words that always have scared him in the safety of the dark for the first time in his life, and actually means them. 

*

His parents as well as Ana and Jarvis die in a span of only a few years. Tony drinks and starts fights and never eats. Rhodey tries to make him get his shit together, but he’s deployed more often than not. 

Months pass and turn into years. The wounds don’t heal but they stop being so raw. Tony catches himself imagining Mama Rhodes’s Christmas pie one December day, not even questioning his standing invite. It feels like the warmth of a hearth in his chest. Rhodey rises up on his ranks and Tony has never been prouder. His soulmate is a successful soldier, a brilliant engineer and the kindest person he even met. 

He stops being scared of those words.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Hope you enjoyed it, kudos and comments are highly appreciated :)


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